Detachment On the Field of Activity

While it certainly isn’t on the level of separation, in the sense that devotees use the word, or even lamentation, I do miss being active. The symbol of that activity had for me been playing soccer (futbol). The combination of endorphins generated by intense activity, with the adrenaline produced by competition, did a lot to make the material world more bearable. Granted, dancing in kirtan will get you the endorphins. That brain chemical release is a component of what makes for an “ecstatic” kirtan. But I don’t think the adrenaline comes as much into it. Although when I see some of the contemporary kirtan dancing, which has more or less abandoned the forms Srila Prahbupada taught us, it may have become more competitive. Dancing isn’t much of an option for me anymore in any case.

It was nice to be competitive on the pitch (soccer field) and then be able to walk away and just leave it all out there. The other thing that was nice was that I am so bad, when I would go into a game in the adult league I played in, I was usually the worst on the pitch, and no one really expected much from me –- anything I would manage to do was like extra. There is a certain liberating feeling about being in a situation where I could try the hardest I possibly could but there were no repercussions that really mattered if the outcome was disappointing. No one who had expectations of me I couldn’t meet, not much responsibility for the outcome, just the joy of detached involvement. Mostly just the false ego to deal with, the one element of consciousness that was more concerned about giving the game everything I had than the outcome of the game.

As mundane as it sounds, the idea of stepping once again onto the pitch is part of the package that keeps me going through this whole medical ordeal. Oh yeah, that and the idea that I want to teach my granddaughters how to skate.